wasting my life away

I havent been doing much the last few days. Every time I try to play some cash games I get turbopwnt in about 100 hands. I forced myself to play today and lost a nice $1700. The 2 hands I got stacked on were both retarded. I knew I was beat both times but still paid the people off because im horrible. I was hu against a guy because the table had broken and I didnt notice it. I had A3 in the bb. The guy raised and I called and it came 433. He potted it, I called. The turn was a 5, he 2/3 potted it, I called. The river was a 4. He 2/3 potted it I called. He obviously has 45. On another table, I had A5 in the bb. It folded to the sb who limped, and I made it 35, he called. The flop was 873 all clubs, I had the Ac. He checkminraised me 50 bet and I called. The turn was Tc. He bet 200 and I called. The river was a Jc. At this point, I was yelling bad things at my house because I know that somehow this guy has a Tc because god hates me. He pushes...I really want to fold but im bad so I call. Speaking of god, I hope someone out there can explain why god despises me. It is really starting to make me depressed, as it is no fun living when you are hated. Im probably just going to spend today and tomorrow and the rest of my life laying around my house and doing nothing, as I can no longer make money.

$32091 profit over 48344 hands. My winrate has been cut in half in the last 25000 hands....what a great feeling.