im rather sad

I seem to no longer be able to win at live poker....then again, I dont know if I ever could. Today I actually doubled up about 2 hours into the $5000 event but then got QQ against a semislowplayed KK on a low board, so I lost. I think im just going to skip the $1500 event tomorrow and play online. I imagine playing on party now is similar to knowing you have a terminal illness and you will be dead in 2 weeks...party is going to be dead to me in about a week, so I really do need to get in all the sngs I can. I am very very disappointed with myself right now. My goal with online poker was to make enough to retire. As soon as I figured out our horrible country was going to try to kill online poker, I started learning cash games, as I figured that skill would transfer to live poker, as sngs are basically nonexisistent. Ive learned on this trip that I really despise live poker...maybe I dont hate live poker...maybe I just hate losing. I dont know if I have won anything significant in the last month, which makes me sad. I guess my only real options now are to go back home and learn real estate stuff, become a $55 sng grinder on the smaller sites, so travel the circut and hope for a big score. Im thinking the smartest move right now is going to be to give up on poker for the time being, as it simply isnt going to be that profitable. This really bothers me though because I know that I didnt do everything I could to get as much money out of the online game that I could. Its nice to know that I failed the one goal I set for myself. Im so bad at everything.